Child Development, Milestones and How Children Actually Grow
A grounded look at early developmental windows, how bright girls express frustration, and why uneven growth is not a parental failure.
Parents look up child development late in the evening because something did not feel right during the day. Maybe pickup was an emotional storm, maybe another child seems miles ahead in pencil control, or maybe you are wondering why simple routines collapse into tears.
Real development does not climb a tidy ladder. Children jump forward in one area, pause in another, and slip backward when their bodies are tired. Understanding child development means stepping back from rigid milestone race tracks so you can support your child right where they are standing today.
I finished my PhD in early childhood education in 2016, spent two years working directly on the floor as a childcare educator, and advised early childhood services on curriculum design. Today, alongside raising two daughters, I am completing intensive clinical specialist training in autism.
Yet the most humbling lesson happened right at home. I was diagnosed with ADHD in my forties, and my daughter received her ADHD diagnosis in her twenties. For years, we both navigated the same sensory overload, burnout, and emotional friction without knowing what caused it. We simply assumed we were failing to try hard enough.
I still look at a photograph of her when she was twelve months old, clenching her teeth tight in frustration. At the time, I thought it was just a funny face. By age two, when she could not accomplish something her mind pictured, she would pull her own hair in distress. Her internal engine never rested, she ran on non stop energy, and her body fought sleep every single night without an off switch.
Today she is twenty three, bright, capable, and a high achiever. Yet she still relies on last minute adrenaline surges to push through task initiation and start her day for work. That lived experience taught me what textbooks rarely cover: when an active, capable child pushes back or melts down, it is not poor behaviour. It is a tired nervous system running low on brakes.
Dewi Griffith, PhD, Founder
The Four Foundations of Early Growth How different skills support one another in early childhood
Physical and Motor Control
Core strength and shoulder balance come first. A child needs a stable trunk and arms before tiny finger joints can hold a pencil comfortably without cramping.
Language and Understanding
Hearing and processing language comes before speaking. Children build vocabulary by listening to real conversation throughout everyday routines.
Emotional Regulation
Little children cannot regulate their nervous systems on their own. They depend on calm adults to absorb the impact of big rooms, sudden changes, and overwhelming sensory input.
Executive Function
Remembering two instructions, putting the brakes on an impulse, and switching between tasks are sophisticated mental skills that take years to mature.
Developmental Milestones: Wide Windows vs Red Flags Milestones are broad approximations, not rigid deadlines
Children usually pour their energy into one major developmental job at a time. A toddler mastering gross motor movement might speak fewer words for several weeks. Keeping an eye on milestone ranges gives you peace of mind while helping you spot genuine delays early.
| Age Range | Typical Emerging Skills | When to Check with a Professional |
|---|---|---|
| 18 to 24 Months |
Uses single spoken words Copies common actions like wiping surfaces Squats down to play and stands back up without falling |
No communicative pointing or waving Does not react consistently when called by name Loses spoken words or physical balance they previously had |
| 2 to 3 Years |
Combines two or three words into ideas Carries out simple two step tasks around the house Plays alongside other children comfortably |
Speech is unintelligible to parents and familiar carers Persistent difficulty walking, running, or climbing stairs Shows no interest in shared attention or connecting with people |
| 4 to 5 Years |
Speaks in descriptive sentences and asks questions Holds drawing tools using fingers instead of a closed fist Takes turns during games with gentle reminders |
Cannot follow basic daily directions Frequent, inconsolable distress over ordinary transitions Severe trouble coordinating hands for everyday dressing tasks |
Early Signs We Mistake for Quirks How an ADHD nervous system communicates before school age
When an active girl runs on high drive from babyhood, that constant motion is not disobedience. It is an involuntary effort by her nervous system to feel anchored in physical space.
Jaw Clenching and Teeth Grinding
The jaw joint contains deep physical sensory receptors. Clenching or grinding teeth during moments of frustration pushes strong feedback into the head to counter an internal sensory storm.
Hair Pulling and Self Directed Distress
Toddlers possess very little internal brake power. When a girl pulls her own hair when frustrated, she is searching for a sharp physical sensation to reset an overwhelming surge of feelings.
Craving Deep Pressure Hugs
Many busy girls crave tight swaddles, heavy blankets, or being squished under cushions. Deep pressure signals the body to trigger its parasympathetic calming response.
Bedtime Without an Off Switch
A quiet, dim room can feel like sensory deprivation to an active brain. Rather than relaxing, the nervous system produces adrenaline to stay alert, turning bedtime into an hours long struggle.
Why High Achieving Girls Are Missed High capability often conceals the daily battle
A persistent misconception is that a child who excels cannot have ADHD. Bright girls learn to mask their difficulties early. They rely on quick memory, strong verbal skills, and high internal standards to keep up appearances.
On the outside, they seem completely in control. On the inside, their daily engine is running on sheer urgency and adrenaline:
| What Appears on the Surface | What Is Happening Neurologically |
|---|---|
| Last minute scrambles: Rushing to prepare at the final second and rushing out the door. | The brain struggles with initiation due to low baseline dopamine. It requires adrenaline and urgency to force the brain into gear. |
| Sudden tears or stubbornness: Freezing or crying over a simple task like putting shoes on. | Executive overload. What feels like one instruction to an adult is actually five complex steps to her tired nervous system. |
| Non stop physical movement: Refusing to sit still at the dinner table or bedtime. | Sensory seeking. Movement is the fuel her brain uses to stay alert and engaged with the room. |
Affirming Play: Meeting Your Child Where She Is Play is regulation, not just recreation
Research into neurodiversity affirming practices shows that play is the native language of early childhood. For autistic children and children with ADHD, play is also their primary way to recover from sensory overload.
Repetitive and Sorting Play
Lining up figures, sorting items by colour, or watching wheels turn creates order and predictability. It helps a child calm her sensory system and should be respected rather than redirected.
Joining Her Space
Rather than demanding that a child follow adult rules of play, sit down beside her and join what she is already doing. Entering her world builds genuine trust without forcing her to mask.
What You Can Do at Home Sensible shifts that support your child without pressure
Stop Blaming Her Character
Difficulty transitioning, waking up, or winding down is neurological, not a moral flaw. Your daughter is not giving you a hard time; she is having a hard time inside her body.
Provide Heavy Work Before Bed
Before expecting sleep, give her deep physical input. Carrying baskets, pushing against cushions, and firm tuck ins ground her nervous system far better than a warm bath.
Do Not Fear the Meltdown
When frustration peaks and she clenches her teeth or pulls her hair, do not lecture. Lower your voice, offer a firm hand on her back or a tight hug, and lend her your calm first.
Protect Her Self Worth
The greatest danger for a bright neurodivergent girl is growing up believing she is broken. Talk openly about how different brains need different tools to get moving.
Explore Child Development Posts Articles on observation, milestones and early education practice
Assessment Strategies in Early Childhood Education
How educators observe, document, and understand a young child’s progress without formal testing.
Child Development Milestones by Age
A general guide to what children are often doing and mastering at different ages.
The Reggio Emilia Approach, Explained for Parents
What the environment as teacher philosophy actually looks like in everyday practice.
Keep Exploring Foundational learning areas built for home and classroom
Early Math
Counting, number sense, shapes, patterns, and playful maths activities.
Early Literacy
Letters, sounds, storytelling, and pre writing foundations.
Fine Motor Skills
The story based tracing bundle and the hand skills behind handwriting readiness.
Download the Free Calm Observation Tracker
A simple record sheet to note down your daughter’s sensory patterns, transition triggers, and moments of brilliance. Helpful to take along to your next appointment with a paediatrician, speech therapist, or occupational therapist.
Download the Free Observation TrackerWant the research explained in plain language, with none of the jargon?
Browse All For Teachers PostsThis page is for educational and parental support based on lived experience and early childhood practice. It is not medical or diagnostic advice. If you have concerns about your daughter’s wellbeing, please consult a qualified paediatrician, psychologist, or occupational therapist.